A Last Gift

Very, very early Sunday morning I learned of the passing of a friend. She was someone who had been completely integrated into my life for more than 15 years. We’d met in Minnesota coming from completely divergent parts of the U.S. – I from New York, she from California – in the quest of our MFA in Theater Design and had been assigned as Teaching Assistants to the Lighting Design professor.

We were, I think, surprised by the level of bonding we developed. We went through our program like a force of nature, challenging the status quo and confronting stale traditions and distasteful tropes with humor.

We found ourselves in a parallel movement toward Earth-based Goddess religion and ran toward it, pulling each other by the hand. We had adventures.

She could write a brilliant parody song in 20 minutes, read like a maniac, loved opera, Sarah Bernhardt, Kate Bush, Tennessee Williams, and things that were silly. She lived with my husband and I for a little while after she moved back to Minnesota and made one serious lasagna.

She was my maid of honor at my wedding. She was a coach at my daughter’s birth. She led me to be part of a group of women with whom I still meet the second Thursday of the month, even after 15 years.

Then one day she became very, very ill. It took months for her to be diagnosed, and when she was she was the 47th person in the U.S. to be diagnosed with her malady. They were long, distressing months.

After that, her tendency to be non-self-revealing, even covert, as well as exhibiting some other disturbing personal characteristics, left me in a place of pain and frustration that brought me to a place where, for my own personal well being, I didn’t chase her as she pulled away.

I grieved our relationship for at least a year. Then she friended me on Facebook. I accepted, but didn’t engage much. I needed to keep myself distant; I cared too much about her to bring her back close where I could get hurt again.

And now she’s gone from this earth. And her sudden passing makes me think about grabbing life and living it hard while I’ve got left of it what I do, living each and every moment. I am grateful to her for that last gift. I bow to you, lady of the Silverwood.


  1. Oh my. What a loss you have experienced. My heart aches for you. But what wonderful memories. Thank you for sharing – I bet it makes you feel good to document your friendship. Even the hurtful parts. Hugs!

  2. Oh this is just so very hard. I’m so sorry you lost your friend. Twice. I hope the memories of the good times you did share together bring you much comfort in the days to come.

  3. What a blessing to have had a friend like that. Your honesty awes me, fills me with hope and lets me see the compassion and joy, even in such a great loss. Blessed be.

  4. Good day! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be ok.

    I’m undoubtedly enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts.

  5. I really like your blog.. very nice colors &
    theme. Did you create this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it
    for you? Plz answer back as I’m looking to create my own blog and would like to find out where u got this from.
    appreciate it

  6. My partner and I absolutely love your blog and find nearly all of your post’s to be
    exactly what I’m looking for. Do you offer guest writers to write content available for
    you? I wouldn’t mind creating a post or elaborating on a number of the subjects you write related to here.
    Again, awesome web site!

  7. Hi! I know this is kinda off topic however I’d figured I’d ask.
    Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest
    writing a blog article or vice-versa? My website discusses a lot of the same topics as yours and I feel we could
    greatly benefit from each other. If you’re interested feel
    free to send me an e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you!
    Superb blog by the way!

  8. Hey there! I’m at work surfing around your blog from my new iphone 3gs!
    Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look forward to all your posts!
    Keep up the outstanding work!

  9. Hello there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it’s truly informative.
    I am going to watch out for brussels. I will appreciate if you continue this in future.
    Many people will be benefited from your writing.

  10. If you work with your hands, you may want to choose 14k or 18k to prevent scratches.
    Use these helpful tips to find the style that suits you now.

    After all, this will be the most important day of her life.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *